A couple years ago I went hiking with a
bunch of friends up near God's Window. It was a four day hike, but we decided to
take five days to do it. We stopped over the one day and just spent the day
relaxing and swimming, and digging holes for our toilet breaks.
There was a 12m high rock jump that every
one of the 30 people with us on the hike seemed keen to do. Everyone. The
younger people, the older people. Which meant that I would have to do it, too.
Standing on the top I just made my decision. "I'm going to do this. I'm going to
jump no matter what. I'm going to step to the edge, and I'm going to be so
scared, and my mind is going to tell me that this is a bad idea and I shouldn't
do it, but I'm going to. I'm going to rise above those voices, ignore them and
jump into that water that is apparently SEVEN THOUSAND METERS AWAY!!! So what's
the point in waiting up at the top and mustering up the courage? I'm jumping
whether I wait or not." So I did. I stepped to the edge when my turn came, and
without a second thought I leapt off the rock and jumped into the water with all
the others who had already done it.
Afterwards a few people came up to me and
said, "Wow, Gav. You're brave, hey? No fear of heights for you. You just jumped
like it was easy!" But they didn't know that the truth is, I'm petrified of
heights. I don't know why, but my body just locks up when I let my mind perceive
greater heights that I'm at.
I hope I don't sound like a stuck record,
but I was talking to a friend recently about my moving to Brazil and leaving my
job and working as a missionary and I realized that this is almost exactly what
it feels like. I know that this is the right move for my life. I can't sit by
any longer, hoping that someone else will do something brave for God to
show His love for His people, and to be His hands and feet. So I know that this
is definitely what I want to do. But that doesn't mean it's not scary, right?
That doesn't mean that I'm fearlessly stepping into the great unknown without
second thoughts. Everyday is a battle to force myself to confront my fears, but
you know what? I've made my mind up and no matter how difficult it is, I'm going
to rise above my thoughts and fears, and I'm going to take this step! I'm not
going to do it half hearted, either. I'm going to put everything I can into it,
and invest all my effort to making this work. My hope is that there will be
enough people who believe in me, or this calling to support me and make it a
long term endeavour.
:)
Thanks for reading this.