I can remember so vividly, walking down the streets with four other missionaries and a tackle box with medicinal supply. The vast majority of the severe wounds treated were simply addressed with standard cream, yet were received with the belief that all problems were now in the past. These open scars, battered bodies and warped bones were in dire need of serious medical attention and all they joyously received was an application of a generic medicine. And we were so happy to apply it, because these precious souls left to waste away on the street have overcome some unspoken barrier to even allow us into their lives for a few minutes. Many seem to hide their external hurts along with those fatal internal ones.
Back in the Rescue Home, the use of "chave 29" to open this cupboard door is like the moment jolly old saint Nicklaus opens his red bag; only this is the pharmaceutics cabinet. As soon as I open this door, a stream of injuries are suddenly brought to everyone's consciousness, and attention is demanded by ex-street boys protesting the severity of their ailments. Many of these injuries are minor cuts and bruises they received on the playground weeks ago, but now that the magic cupboard has been opened, revealing its seemingly endless supply of magical bandages and miraculous creams and sprays, the boys line up, most likely with the youngest first to reach us, asking to be attended to by doctor 'cupboard-opener'. These boys have encountered a form of love and affection and are ready to milk it for all that they can.
However, I can't help but wonder if it's gone too far, and this unnecessary application of medicine inhibits a healthy self-image for them. Do they see themselves as broken people inside, too? Does this explain many of our issues with the boys? Is this external anxiety mirrored internally? Even though we are helping them grow in every way we are aware of and that love and discipline allows for, do they still look at healed wounds inside their mauled hearts and demand scars? Are these wonderfully loved boys rejecting love because their broken and damaged self-image of wounded needs to be retained to maintain any familiar feeling or understanding to their lives?
As always, this makes me think about how I have fallen prey to this apparent human behaviour. Do I see myself as a broken person in areas that I am healed? I have read verse after verse after verse of how God defines me, and have often, repeatedly, struggled to believe it. I have even flat out rejected it as idealistic, and impossible. I can not be holy and blameless, no matter how many times I recite Colossians 1:22. It's an antonym of my very obvious sinful nature! I am weak, prone to failure, falling very short of the mark repeatedly. Abandoning God's love, embracing my humanity. My laziness propels me to new depths; deserved depths. Depths that missionaries, or pastors, or christians, or any normal person should ever venture. Who would dare venture anywhere near me, let alone consider a fragile, incapable, and obviously stubborn soul like me to be of any value? A soft voice whispers some necessary words:
If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! - Psalm 139:8
God created man in his own image...and saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. - Genesis 1:27, 31
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. - 1 Corinthians 5:17
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. - 1 Peter 2:9
...be transformed by the renewal of your mind... - Romans 12:2
I take the bandages and redundantly apply them to the boys' sores, knowing that this will tip the scales and cause them to win this psychological fight... for today. But I also know we will be here the next time.
