Tuesday, 22 January 2013
I have not been looking forward to today, at all. I know they're supposed to come back in the early afternoon, but we're having some really constructive time with the older ones, still.
Two o'clock came and went, and the other two boys still aren't back. This was supposed to be the part of my day when the difficulties were starting. So we carried on the day. My mind is working back and forth about what could possibly go wrong, and now postponing the waiting time seems even more torturous. These boys could tear this place down in one night, if they wanted to. I remember the last time I was here when all the boys returned from time away from each other. Emotions overflowed into many fisticuffs and cursing. Maybe we should take all these boys away to the lake and wait for the younger ones to settle before bringing them back home. Hopefully they'll be superbly tired when the gate opens and they arrive.
Three o'clock. The gate bell rings. Oh no. This is it. Play time is over, it's time to get the gloves out and be ready for absolutely anything that is about to happen. I go inside and fetch the gate remote. I'm pretty much going through the motions now. This is not the most exciting part of my day at all. I point it to the gate and push the button.
The gate is not even half way opened when I catch sight of one of the boys. He looks up and our eyes lock. He gets half way through shouting my name, slams the car door closed and sprints full speed. He sprints through the gate up the driveway, past his brothers, past the other boys at the house. He's not even smiling. He's got a look of shear determination to diminish the distance between us that has apparently been way too long! From a full two meters away he leaps off the ground and spreads his arms out forcing me to catch him in a tight embrace. He holds onto me, hugging so tightly, but unable to say anything because we don't speak the same language. Verbally. I hold him back and my heart is filled with so much joy! So much peace and happiness. This family is complete, again! We're back together, we have our two missing pieces back! I can't even believe how long this week has suddenly felt, now knowing that I haven't seen them for that long!!
I have to admit this was an altogether familiar feeling that I experienced. It's often the way I feel before I meet with God. I dread and fear the way my life is going to be ruined when I go to Him. He is going to say things that are not going to sit well with my conscience. He may even start asking me to do things that do not go well with my comfort. I might have to get out of my comfort zones in ways that I was not prepared for. So I try and put off this meeting with God. That doesn't help, though. I start going through that same torture as I wait in anticipation for something that I KNOW is a part of my life: my time with my Maker.
Then when I come to Him...Ah all chains fall off!! What a cliche, but how true! My burden feels lighter, my mountains feel easy to conquer, and my love feels complete! If you've never read Jon Acuff's blog post called Thinking God will run out of welcome home banners, then I honestly suggest you do that! It will be ten minutes that you will want to (and probably will) relive over and over again. It's exactly the same idea, that God is just so in love with us that we almost refuse to believe it.
A challenge? No, there's no challenge in this blog post. Only a point of self-reflection. How are your times with God going? My times have been struggling because of this illogical fear. Maybe it's the same for you, but we all need to accept this unrelenting pursuit of Christ is counter-intuitive to resist.