This is the most difficult post I've had to
write so far. I'm sure it won't be the last difficult blog post that I put up,
but it is hard to put down in words. Chris Tomlin wrote an incredible worship
song called Indescribable as a paradoxical description of God. He sings about
the power of God and how this God is past amazing to an area that you couldn't
even describe. It's a nice song that goes on to describe some of the things our
God has done, however it's a song that you can't really sing in honesty until
you get to the end of your knowledge of God.
On Friday night I was at the youth group at
my church and the worship was incredible! I don't know if it's because I've
stopped being in charge of the running of the night, so I focused only on God
and not on how the night was going. All I know is that I felt the love of God in
a way that surpassed emotion, logic and even circumstance. I found myself on my
knees on the floor crying like an undeserving pearl. There was another leader
that felt that same love of God enter the room that night, and afterwards when
we tried to explain it to each other we were at a complete loss for words, all
we knew is that we wanted to get back to that presence of God where nothing else
on earth mattered. Where I felt complete, loved, clean, valued and strong. It
was an experience that I know will stick with me for years to come. When I
consider it, I know that this is worth any amount of sacrifice. This doesn't
mean that I've overcome all my shortfalls, and I'm now invincible. Far from it,
but it definitely was a state of spirit that I want to pursue with more and more
of my life, even if I never get there again until my death.
Matthew 13:45-46 is where the kingdom of
heaven is compared to a merchant seeking beautiful pearls and he finds one of
great price and sells everything that he has to buy it. I felt like that pearl
on Friday night. Today is Monday morning, where I could feel far from that
feeling, however God reminded me of my value with that story. I now will not
only choose to live as a pearl of great price for Christ, but striving to share
this truth with people around me in a world full of people who seem to feel like
they aren't even worth a "Good morning" from those that they see as more
important than them at work, in their social circles or at school even. It must
be a sad feeling for God to give so much value to someone, so much that He paid
whatever He could to show them He loves them, and then seeing them reject His
price tag on their life, and ascribe their own worthless
evaluation.
From the child on the street, to the Queen,
herself, God wants to love us with an intensity that is quite literally
indescribable.