Purpose

Agent Smith: But, as you well know, appearances can be deceiving, which brings me back to the reason why we're here. We're not here because we're free. We're here because we're not free. There is no escaping reason; no denying purpose. Because as we both know, without purpose, we would not exist.

Clone 1: It is purpose that created us.

Clone 2: Purpose that connects us.

Clone 3: Purpose that pulls us.

Clone 4: That guides us


Clone 5: That drives us.


Clone 6: It is purpose that defines us.


Clone 7: Purpose that binds us.


Agent Smith: We are here because of you, Mr Anderson. We're here to take from you what you tried to take from us.

Purpose.

This scene, from the second Matrix movie, Reloaded, recounts Agent Smith giving the incentive he has for his all out assault on the human race. Purpose.

They say that the worst pain that a human can endure is having your femur bone cracked in half. Although, come to think of it, this information came across my path via Brian Regan, a comedian, so maybe we shouldn't take it verbatim, but why would he lie? The second worst pain, according to my torrent of information, is childbirth. However, nobody questions the choice of newly wed couples to begin a family. It's not often that a mother will advise her daughter against conceiving because the pain is too much to handle. Yet, if in almost any other situation in life, when anyone faces that amount of torment, we will all stand around and curse the pain unendingly.

Why?

Purpose.

The amount we believe in an outcome, or agree with a dream, will directly affect the amount of discomfort we are willing to endure. Have you, or someone you know ever been really badly initiated into a team? Like had to endure some pretty hardcore treatment? In the movie Old School, a group of grown men are 'abducted' by their team leader, and put through a series of interesting commitment tests to show their level of passion before they're allowed joining the group. I won't go into details, but if you've seen the movie you'll know what I'm talking about. It's believable as a script, because we know that these men are so desperate to join what is essentially a sorority.

Or, conversely, I'm sure all of us have heard of an old married couple where one passes away, and very soon after the other does, too. It always saddens me to hear of this, because it seems that they have given up on life, and discovered that without a reason to wake up every morning, life just isn't worth the effort.

The whole idea of purpose has often challenged my barometer for passion. Especially in areas that I consciously claim to have passion. Am I willing to endure higher levels of discomfort than other people would for this cause? If not, can I really claim to have found purpose?

I know I have been given a dream in life. A purpose. A reason to give up more than others, and to risk more than seems logical, and soon I will have to face up to the feelings of discomfort that could challenge my commitment and my passion. The loneliness, the isolation, the frailty and the lack of control of my situation will be all new territories that I will step into, but I need to find the resolve now to overcome and endure. My decision has been made, and my path has been laid before me and, right now, I refuse to accept anything less than full passion for this cause. Because I believe in it, and I have a purpose to play in it.

 

Using

"The worst part of being an addict are the lies you tell yourself", I listen to him tell me about his experiences of being a drug addict, and an alcoholic while the meat continues cooking on the braai, and we distract ourselves with a game of table tennis. He tells me how he stole from his family, his friends, and how every time that he 'used', he would then be able to fit in. It was so ironic to me that this guy who seemed to exude confidence was a victim of high school bullying that stripped him of his confidence and made him think that he didn't fit in. He basically took drugs so that he could lose his unique personality and learn to become like everyone else, just so that he could fit in.

The night before I met another old friend who, in a similar way, talks to me about how he became an alcoholic, and his entire life began to revolve around the pivot of himself. He became obsessed with pleasing himself. This kind of self-pursuit seems to be a common factor with people falling prey to their addictions.

We've stopped keeping score in our table tennis, as the conversation has taken a higher rank at the moment. My eyes are watching the ball bounce back and forth between us. I'm focusing on hitting the ball to his strong side, so that he can just knock it back, and we don't have to be distracted with fetching it. My side, his side, my side, his side.

"Every person in my life became someone that I could use. My family, my friends. When I would go to clubs with them, I would look at people and think, how can I use them? How can I manipulate them to get what I want? We were all like that. We all just wanted to get something from the other person, no matter what it cost. You become so suspicious of everyone, everywhere you go."

This kind of lifestyle does seem so distant to me, as he talks, but every time he throws something new out, I do some self reflection.

He's an addict!

Am I really free from addiction? Can I really stand here and pretend that I'm any stronger a person than he is when comparing our tendencies to become addicted to something? No, of course not. It's just easier to hide mine, because it's not drugs, or alcohol. That means nothing when it comes to character.

He's using everybody to get what he wants!

He really is exploiting every person in very obvious ways, from stealing cash from his dad, to taking things from his friends. But are my social activities identified by self-less love? Do I love my friends without expecting from them, or without trying to feed some insecurity of my own? Sure, I'm not using them to get drugs, but I can't claim innocence.

I start looking at what he has done about his shortfalls. He's gone to rehab. He's learnt self-control. He's faced up to his mistakes, and his failures. From confessions, to repayments, he's looked at himself, and accepted that the lies he would tell himself aren't true, and something needs to change. He's learnt to overcome. He's given himself to God. He's so aware that this relationship now is all that his life is about if he is to stay away from becoming someone that would embarrass his family, and friends.

I admire this guy, now. I am so inspired by the struggle he's gone through. I know he has been so much stronger in his life recently than I've been in mine. He wins the table tennis game, hands down.